Cropdusting Hipsters

It all started when I farted in yoga. It happened once, twice, three times a lady flatulist. Not many girls own up to a fart, so at first I pretended that the pop was simply a wayward hip joint being wrenched from its socket like a newly-weaned, puppy farm kelpie. It kept happening though: every class I'd cropdust … Continue reading Cropdusting Hipsters

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Voy a Surfear

I need to be honest with myself. The charade has to stop. Something happened today, and I simply can't lie to myself for one more moment. It doesn't matter who started it, who called who a cry-baby, it ends now. It's time to be an adult and admit one simple truth: I suck at surfing. … Continue reading Voy a Surfear

Hashtag Bonespo

My social media obsession has morphed. While my fist in the air damn-the-man save-the-empire scorn of Facebook has continued, I am now, like, oh-my-god, totally into Instagram. I know, right?! Aside from random tattoo artists, my friends, and the kick-arse female celebrities I follow, I am also, like, totally down with a plethora of fitness … Continue reading Hashtag Bonespo

“I’m the one that’s fucked up?! Just because I’m looking deep into your birth canal for four quarters…”

I've started taking dance classes. A particular type of dance. Which involves a particular type of prop that one may or may not spin around. Every Monday night I join a troupe of twenty other brunettes wearing baggy T-shirts and bashful grins at Beginners Pole Fitness. Now, I don't have daddy issues, I got plenty … Continue reading “I’m the one that’s fucked up?! Just because I’m looking deep into your birth canal for four quarters…”

Reclaim the Night!

I lost my licence. Not because I'm a bad driver. Because I'm a good driver. I got 13 points last year. I bet you don't have 13 points. What do you have, two? Bah! I'm top of the leaderboard. I'm such a good driver that the RTA has given me a three month break from … Continue reading Reclaim the Night!

The most frightening thing a girl will ever do

The lack of full length mirrors in hostel bathrooms is a blessing. You see, while I've been away I have been eating like a traveller- blissfully floating on fluffy clouds of cream and sugar- but this has been interspersed with more walking than Lord of the Rings even the fucking trees walked in that movie. … Continue reading The most frightening thing a girl will ever do

The Dutch Ride Side-Saddle

I was back in Amsterdam, drinking beers and picking apart Night and Day with The Kiwi when the Shooters Bar was first mentioned. It was a sort of travellers Mecca: cheap, fun, lax RSA and serving nothing but shooters. With a gleam in his eye, The Kiwi spoke of flaming shots deftly lit with blowtorches; … Continue reading The Dutch Ride Side-Saddle

The Fat Chick Fitness Challenge

"I wasn't always fat, but I have always been unfit." These ten words heralded my first feeble attempt at blogging. I reread it recently to discover- between cringing and shrieking at the computer- that it contained enough rough, unpolished diamonds to squeeze out a post. I wrote this blog under the moniker Eddie- my dad's … Continue reading The Fat Chick Fitness Challenge

Mon Chat Splash

You may hate me by the end of this post. When I don't work out, I tend to get moody. I hate getting grumpy. It's always in the back of my mind that the men around me may be thinking: She must be having her period. Keep away, she's probably irrational. You know they can't … Continue reading Mon Chat Splash