Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Forehead

I’m getting dumber as I age, because in my 33rd year on this planet, I decided that it was time to inject poison into my head. Botox. God knows why. It was largely curiosity, which appears to be the driving force behind my every impetuous decision. And you should know that the word ‘largely’ is … Continue reading Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Forehead

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Fleurgen the Stereo Muppet

Six months ago I bought an $800 car- a dusty red Charade manufactured back when Paul Keating was Prime Minister. I dubiously christened her “Cherry Bomb”. She was bought from a fellow in Darlington. From there, Cherry travelled nine kilometres before having a hot flush and overheating on a busy road, ultimately forcing me to … Continue reading Fleurgen the Stereo Muppet

A Post About a Threesome…

Ha! I've busted you, you perverted little sausage. This isn't a story about a threesome at all. I've told a lie in a blatant ploy for attention that stops just shy of 'tawdry' by my omission of the word "lesbian". My salacious title is just pandering to the voyeur in all of us. It's my … Continue reading A Post About a Threesome…

The Great UFC

I've written a novel. Yay. I'm tirelessly editing and reworking it to submit to one of the many publishing houses accepting unsolicited submissions. Before I did, I showed it to a select group of people, telling them three things: 1. If it sucks, you have to tell me. 2. This is fiction. Which means no, … Continue reading The Great UFC

Chattering Cat on Hiatus

I've abandoned the blog of late, pouring all of my energy into writing a mediocre novella that is finally completed- albeit messy and in need of an edit. For weeks I have been spending my time at The Harold Park Hotel in Glebe, schooner of Bilpin cider before me, cigarette smoldering untouched in an ashtray as … Continue reading Chattering Cat on Hiatus

He’s cute like a frog.

I do a lot of stupid shit when I’m drunk. A few months ago I placed a restriction on myself: it’s fine to get mildly tiddled with friends and make devastatingly clever and funny insights about human nature at achingly hip bars that none of us have any business being in, but it’s not okay … Continue reading He’s cute like a frog.

Dear Yoko…

KITCHEN PIECE Hang a canvas on a wall. Throw all the leftovers you have in the kitchen that day on the canvas. You may prepare special food for the piece. 1960. Winter. I never really had an opinion about Yoko Ono. Until I saw her exhibition. Now I hate her. I despise her for the … Continue reading Dear Yoko…

All My Single Ladies…

Okay, so I broke. Not Facebook, but I am updating the blog. I can't help myself. I'm writing anyway, may as well edit and share the nonsense. It's quite difficult to stay off Facebook. I have to say I've cheated- a certain amount of Facebook is necessary for travelling, so I send trip related private … Continue reading All My Single Ladies…

1500 words on Dinosaur Erotica

The things I do for this blog. I have read endured 18 pages of dinosaur erotica for this post. I have suffered for my art. Okay, so I may have only gotten through 5 pages before I vomited my strawberry thickshake all over myself. I'm in two minds about this post. The subject matter is … Continue reading 1500 words on Dinosaur Erotica