The Hymen Soliloquies

Four months ago I decided to become celibate. And it's going well. Okay, so 'well' isn't an adjective I'd use to describe my life at the moment, but it's been...interesting. Enlightening. My hymen is about to grow back, I haven't rubbed up against the dread-locked guy on the 438 bus yet, and the sex dreams … Continue reading The Hymen Soliloquies

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Oh, *nose boop* you humans.

Six years ago, I went for a sales job. It was one of those abhorrent group recruitment processes where they put a room of wannabes together and assign them ridiculous tasks, ultimately causing the recruits to transform into screeching, carnivorous toddlers that tear metaphorical flesh from bone with aspiration-sharpened milk teeth. We shredded each other like a … Continue reading Oh, *nose boop* you humans.

Zen and the Art of Googling Random Nonsense

After upending a display in Coles before storming out of the store this afternoon, I'm wondering if I should perhaps try to harness my inner zen. Okay, so that didn't happen, but lately I have been pondering the benefits of meditation. This year has been a bit...unusual, I suppose. I don't think that "unusual" is … Continue reading Zen and the Art of Googling Random Nonsense

Peacock Feathers

As a general rule, I try and avoid social media during times of emotional turmoil. I detest emotion fuelled Facebook rants. I don’t judge anyone who does it, because we have all been there. I just hate when I do it. In all honesty, I would rather drunkenly attack my status and describe the contents … Continue reading Peacock Feathers