Traversing the Tinderverse

The Tinderverse is a bewildering flotsam of social media space junk. The lost and the lewd, the peculiar and the promiscuous- they all hover uncertainly amidst Internet acronyms, unselfconsciously meta profiles, and enthusiastic emoticons. In my mind, Tinder embodies the Mos Eisley cantina from Star Wars: a quagmire of freaks, all killing time in between … Continue reading Traversing the Tinderverse

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Trawling Tinder

I've never had a good experience on Tinder. And yet, like a woman trapped in a co-dependant union, I keep going back. Because Tinder is fucking hilarious. Pockets of humanity lurk on there and trawling Tinder freaks has become a perfectly acceptable way to spend my weekend. He Gives Good Head Take this guy: Check out … Continue reading Trawling Tinder

Stranger than truth

I've swore off internet dating.For the thirteenth time.I wasn't ecstatic at the thought of returning to Plenty of Fish, but a dry fortnight turned into a dry month that turned into dirty dreams about the cute butcher with shoulders like a Frigidaire and, since I was coming dangerously close to dry humping a random stranger, … Continue reading Stranger than truth

He’s cute like a frog.

I do a lot of stupid shit when I’m drunk. A few months ago I placed a restriction on myself: it’s fine to get mildly tiddled with friends and make devastatingly clever and funny insights about human nature at achingly hip bars that none of us have any business being in, but it’s not okay … Continue reading He’s cute like a frog.

Meryl Streep’s Skeleton

I have a confession to make. I have tried Internet dating. I know, shitty confession. That statement could have been followed up with something sordid: I have a confession to make: I have a wrap me in glad-wrap and tie me to the clothesline fetish. I have a confession to make: when I get sad, … Continue reading Meryl Streep’s Skeleton

Romance Wrapped in Masturbation References

I am a single lady, which I am fine with in a, now put your hands up, oh oh oh, kind of way. There are upsides to being single. It affords me time to write. My spare time is spent busily weaving blankets of bad grammar and adult themes. I wrap these blankets around clumsily … Continue reading Romance Wrapped in Masturbation References

An open letter on Internet dating…

Dear Mr Cokehead, I write this letter to ask you nicely and civilly to stop contacting me. Your texts are most unwelcome, albeit amusing, and the constant images of your flaccid little penis has left me with enough material to start my own porn site. While it is fantastic to hear that you have such … Continue reading An open letter on Internet dating…